I apologise for being a curtain!

Yesterday I realised that I wasn’t as close to God as I ought to be. I didn’t realise the possibilities. I assumed that there was a limit. I met someone yesterday and you could just feel and sense that they brought God with them. I know that God isn’t limited to any particular time or place, but I mean you could just feel that you were in the presence of one of His children. I was in awe. I really want to be like that.

Last night as I turned my phone off and was about to go to bed God said to me, set an alarm on your phone for 9pm every day, that time will be your time for devotion. So I had to turn my phone on and do just that. At first I thought that it was a bit strange. One thing that I love about God is that He doesn’t force you to be religious. So for Him to tell me to allocate a specific time, I thought that that was a bit weird. But after doing that I finally realised that He didn’t do it for Himself, He did it for me.

He is there all the time and it is because I know that that I just go to Him whenever I want, I didn’t really take Him seriously. If I give a specific time to Him and don’t just squeeze Him in, I don’t have to rush anything, I can just enjoy being in the presence of God. It reminds me of the preparation that had to be made in the Old Testament (mainly prescribed in Numbers) before the people were able to bring an offering to God. They had to prepare in order to experience Him.  I actually thought that He just wanted me to allocate that time to reading the Bible because I hadn’t been reading as many chapters a day since going back to university. I even sorted out space on my desk to read. But that is not what happened. When my alarm went off at 9pm, He said to me start with praise and worship. So I got up and the song that came to me was “I’m Available to You,” I started with that song then went on to others and He gave me words to sing and I was praying in between songs. He showed me how to really praise through songs, He didn’t let me sing them from beginning to end, sometimes He would make me loop parts of the song. It was amazing.

As I was talking to God, I then realised a few things. He just reminded me of the importance of surrounding myself with His children. Family is so key to God. There is a reason that He sent His son to die for us and not one of His angels. He reminded me to surround myself with my brothers and sisters in Christ. It is ok to talk to non-believers and be their friends but they shouldn’t be my so called ‘nearest and dearest.’ I need people around me who will pray for me and remind me of the goodness of God. Just like iron sharpens iron, I need to be sharpened as well. One thing that I found myself praying for was to “be surrounded by people who allow[ed] me to You.” At first I thought that was a strange thing to say but it was only after saying it that I realised that that is what I truly want. I want to be able to be like Him and be confident and proud about being like Him. More than anything that is what I want.

He then showed me that I also have to take responsibility for what I do. It won’t be enough to say that I was too scared to be You around people, He has given me the power to do so so I have to. He then showed me that I am a lot like a curtain. He has put so much inside of me spiritually but I constantly try to hide it physically. Instead of showing who I am spiritually, I rely on my physical appearance and act as a distraction. I look in the mirror and validate myself instead of looking at who I really am and thanking God for how He made me. As I was praying I found myself walking around my room and at times I would look in the mirror to try and see how I looked as I worshiped. Strange right? To stop myself from doing that I started to close my eyes. He then reminded me that it is still possible to experience Him with my eyes open so to cover my mirror and just focus on Him with my eyes open.

I apologise for being a curtain but more than anything, I apologise for being too complacent in my walk with YAH!

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